Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
