Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
