I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
