3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
