Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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