He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
