Do you still have your period?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize