I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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