I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
