Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I forget how to act sober
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
