yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
