My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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