Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
