Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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