I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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