Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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