It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
