WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize