worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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