I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize