I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
