And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize