did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Mom said you looked used
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
