We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
