ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
