That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
