Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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