this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize