I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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