I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
