If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
