it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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