There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
