you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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