And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
