erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
how does that bad decision feel?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
