Already got asked if we're dating
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
