Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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