I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
