ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
