he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
