Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
