I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
