I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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