I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
