glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
