idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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