Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
