Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
