Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
