Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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