Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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