I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
