the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
