just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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