Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
