Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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