Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
