Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
