Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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