I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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