if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
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