Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
