Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize