There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We have started to decorate penises.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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