you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
