well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
