so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
