i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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