p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
