I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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