Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
